No Not the Mind Probe: A Doctor Who Podcast

Canned Dead Camera – “Sleep No More” & “Four to Doomsday”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 24 Nov 2025 17:47:04 +0000

We open on... a spaceship. SMASH CUT TO POV of a podcaster. He watched a Doctor Who episode he's not yet seen. It's weird. He reviews it with his friend.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:20 Modern Who: “Sleep No More”
16:04 Classic Who: “Four to Doomsday”
33:24 Themes: Religion in Doctor Who
44:29 Rankings
55:41 Closing

Let Zygons Be Zygons – “The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion” & “The Android Invasion”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 17 Nov 2025 17:42:54 +0000

Who's who in Who? Hard to say, as duplicates abound across these new and classic stories.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:20 Modern Who: “The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion”
17:59 Classic Who: “The Android Invasion”
30:20 Themes: Doubles and doppelgängers
41:21 Rankings
54:35 Closing

In One Portal and Out the Other – “The Woman Who Lived” & “The Horns of Nimon”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 25 Nov 2024 13:00:01 +0000

OK, invasion force! Everyone through the portal! No pushing! Let's be orderly while we invade. And please: get on your lion and/or bison masks! Let's look sharp coming through this portal!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:31 Modern Who: “The Woman Who Lived”
17:11 Classic Who: “The Horns of Nimon”
32:47 Themes: Over-the-top acting
43:44 Rankings
54:06 Closing

I’m Just a Girl in the World – “The Girl Who Died” & “Marco Polo”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 11 Nov 2024 13:40:22 +0000

These Doctor Who stories are passing the Bechdel test left and right! Two tales that center around young girls with big imaginations.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:17 Modern Who: “The Girl Who Died”
20:53 Classic Who: “Marco Polo”
34:39 Themes: Real history versus fake history
43:23 Rankings
50:31 Closing

Water You Thinking? – “Under the Lake/Before the Flood” & “The Underwater Menace”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 02 Nov 2024 10:41:36 +0000

We take the podcast down where it's hotter, under the water. Forget your troubles. Life is the bubbles. Under the sea.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:28 Modern Who: “Under the Lake/Before the Flood”
21:22 Classic Who: “The Underwater Menace”
37:39 Themes: The Doctor’s costume
50:04 Rankings
56:28 Closing

You Gotta Exterminate the Positive – “The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar” & “The Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 23 Sep 2024 16:11:03 +0000

Davros and the Doctor: the original odd couple! Oh, when will these two crazy kids realize that they're not enemies? They're in LOVE, God damn it! Sweet, beautiful love! Also, the first ever Dalek story.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
14:11 Modern Who: “The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar”
39:28 Classic Who: “The Daleks”
1:04:27 Themes: Complex villains
1:13:20 Rankings
1:26:06 Closing

The Who That Dreams are Made Of – “Last Christmas” & “Kinda”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 11 Mar 2024 12:00:23 +0000

We consider whether this entire podcast is real, or just a vision in John's little snowglobe. Meanwhile, the Twelfth and Fifth Doctor do battle across the dreamscape, in a pair of the best stories we've ever watched in one episode!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:50 Modern Who: “Last Christmas”
24:56 Classic Who: “Kinda”
44:40 Themes: Dreams
58:07 Rankings
1:08:42 Closing

Just a Hopeless Ro-bo-mantic – “Dark Water/Death in Heaven” & “The Invasion”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 13:00:23 +0000

Danny Pink: we hardly knew ye. Seriously. We didn't really ever get a chance to know you. But now you're gone! And you do go out with a bang. Plus, we finally see who the hell this Missy character is. Also: a half-great story from years past with all the trappings that Porter loves.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
12:33 Modern Who: “Dark Water/Death in Heaven”
37:59 Classic Who: “The Invasion”
50:50 Themes: UNIT
58:49 Rankings
1:06:34 Closing

The Doctor and the Beanstalk – “In The Forest of the Night” & “The Seeds of Doom”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 13:00:43 +0000

This episode you're going to want to watch in full sunlight, and make sure to surround yourself with a health amount of peat moss. The Doctor takes on nature's greatest scourge: PLANTS. Break out your hedge clippers, people!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:31 Special: “The Church on Ruby Road”
12:46 Modern Who: “In the Forest of the Night”
26:26 Classic Who: “The Seeds of Doom”
40:21 Themes: The British eccentric
48:50 Rankings
57:27 Closing

Honey, I Shrunk the Doctor – “Flatline” & “Planet of Giants”

No Not the Mind Probe — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 13:26:41 +0000

In what is clearly an homage to the iconic Rob Schneider SNL sketch, "Tiny Elvis", we check in on two episodes where the Doctor deals with shrinkage.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:23 Special: “The Giggle”
12:19 Modern Who: “Flatline”
23:18 Classic Who: “Planet of Giants”
34:19 Themes: Companion types
46:19 Rankings
51:38 Closing

Just One of the Sarcophagi – “Mummy on the Orient Express” & “Pyramids of Mars”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 01 Jan 2024 13:00:46 +0000

Always listen to your mummy. Unless they are intent on strangling you to death. The Twelfth and Fourth Doctor both explore Egyptology in two classic episodes.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:09 Special: “Wild Blue Yonder”
13:54 Modern Who: “Mummy on the Orient Express”
29:45 Classic Who: “Pyramids of Mars”
44:58 Themes: Do stories need to make sense?
55:03 Rankings
1:00:41 Closing

Goodnight, Moon – “Kill the Moon” & “The Moonbase”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 18 Dec 2023 13:00:39 +0000

The Twelfth Doctor puts the big decision onto Clara and the human race. The Second Doctor amuses himself with a comb, and a brush, and a bowl full of mush. And some Cybermen.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:58 Special: “The Star Beast”
14:12 Modern Who: “Kill the Moon”
28:26 Classic Who: “The Moonbase”
39:37 Themes: Doctor Who and progressive politics
50:39 Rankings
58:09 Closing

Artificial Who-telligence – “The Caretaker” & “The War Machines”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 13:00:03 +0000

Global thermonuclear war. It's not a game. But it sure makes for a lot of excitement! John and Porter take a look at a couple of episodes where the Doctor stops Earth from being annihilated.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:38 Modern Who: “The Caretaker”
19:09 Classic Who: “The War Machines”
35:25 Themes: Stories set in the present day
43:16 Rankings
53:07 Closing

Honor Among Thieves – “Time Heist” & “The Ribos Operation”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 13:00:29 +0000

We're getting the whole gang back together for one last score. John and Porter take a look at a couple of episodes using heist plotlines.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:36 Modern Who: “Time Heist”
20:22 Classic Who: “The Ribos Operation”
34:31 Themes: Heists, and MacGuffins
46:50 Rankings
52:29 Closing

It’s All Relative – “Listen” & “The Massacre”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 13:00:52 +0000

A unique Peter Capaldi story (where once again we see Clara is the key to all things at all times) is matched with a missing First Doctor story about French history. Oui oui!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
7:33 Modern Who: “Listen”
35:14 Classic Who: “The Massacre”
47:18 Themes: The companion as the lead
58:02 Rankings
1:07:09 Closing

Kings and Things – “Robot of Sherwood” & “The Crusade”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 12:00:48 +0000

Ooo de lally! It's Robin of the 'hood! Clara gets to live out a childhood dream meeting Nottingham Forest's famous do-gooder. And we watch/listen to a classic story taking a look at what Kind Richard was doing during the same time.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
7:07 Modern Who: “Robot of Sherwood”
24:24 Classic Who: “The Crusade”
37:44 Themes: Dialogue
50:54 Rankings
1:00:38 Closing

Good Things Come in Who Packages – “Into the Dalek” & “The Invisible Enemy”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 12:00:09 +0000

It's a meet-cute! The Twelfth Doctor meets a Dalek! And the Dalek is ADORABLE. A nice Dalek? Is it possible? The Doctor and Clara head inside the Dalek itself to see for sure.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:53 Modern Who: “Into the Dalek”
15:45 Classic Who: “The Invisible Enemy”
31:27 Themes: The Doctor and soldiers
39:39 Rankings
47:50 Closing

It’s Made of People – “Deep Breath” & “The Talons of Weng-Chiang”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 25 Sep 2023 12:00:13 +0000

It's a new Doctor AND John's favorite classic episode ever! Peter Capaldi shows up and... it's fine. But it's going to get way better!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:56 Modern Who: “Deep Breath”
24:47 Classic Who: “The Talons of Weng-Chiang”
45:31 Themes: Tom Baker
55:00 Rankings
1:02:32 Closing

And So This is Christmas – “The Time of the Doctor” & “Attack of the Cybermen”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 04 Sep 2023 12:00:06 +0000

It's time for us to bid adieu to the wonderful Matt Smith. And also watch a crappy Cybermen story with a whole lot o' Peri.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:37 Modern Who: “The Time of the Doctor”
18:47 Classic Who: “Attack of the Cybermen”
31:00 Themes: Matt Smith
40:21 Rankings
48:37 Closing

The Gang’s All Here – “The Day of the Doctor” & “The Five Doctors”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 21 Aug 2023 12:00:37 +0000

It's basically a Doctor Who version of the Spider-Man meme, as we have both the 50th and the 20th anniversary specials featuring all sorts of Doctors, real and fake.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:54 Modern Who: “The Day of the Doctor”
33:23 Classic Who: “The Five Doctors”
45:59 Themes: Longevity
57:13 Rankings
1:05:54 Closing

Remembrance of Who’s Past – “The Name of the Doctor” & “Remembrance of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 07 Aug 2023 12:00:28 +0000

We learn the name of the Doctor?! Turns out it's "Cornelia". They've always just been really embarrassed by it. Also, Clara is the center of all things. No big deal.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:38 Modern Who: “The Name of the Doctor”
22:17 Classic Who: “Remembrance of the Daleks”
40:25 Themes: Retconning
51:09 Rankings
57:40 Closing

Silver Smiths – “Nightmare in Silver” & “The Wheel in Space”

No Not the Mind Probe — Tue, 25 Jul 2023 12:05:38 +0000

The guys check in with the Cybermen to see what they're up to. It turns out, they are mainly up to assimilating all organic matter into their single-minded robotic existence. So, you know, normal stuff.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:13 Modern Who: “Nightmare in Silver”
26:09 Classic Who: “The Wheel in Space”
44:11 Themes: The Cybermen
54:24 Rankings
1:06:24 Closing

You Take the Who Road – “The Crimson Horror” & “The Highlanders”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 12:00:10 +0000

Awright a' body. Gather round, a've git something tae tell ye aboot Doctor Hyu. A'richt? This is a story aboot howfur we catch up wi` Jamie, 'n' whaur th' Doctor 'n' Dlara heid north.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:09 Modern Who: “The Crimson Horror”
25:44 Classic Who: “The Highlanders”
38:06 Themes: Spinoffs
57:52 Rankings
1:04:48 Closing

Tardis and Feathers – “Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS” & “The Invasion of Time”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 26 Jun 2023 12:00:59 +0000

Look, that TARDIS itself is a character, man! You gotta believe me! And think about THIS, the TARDIS is BLUE, but what is how I see blue isn't the same as how YOU see blue? You know, man?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:34 Modern Who: “Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS”
20:07 Classic Who: “The Invasion of Time”
38:17 Themes: The TARDIS
47:10 Rankings
53:41 Closing

Boo Who – “Hide” & “Image of the Fendahl”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 12 Jun 2023 12:00:18 +0000

Well, let me just open this door, and see- AUGH! OH MY GOSH! It's a British science fiction television show with a rich history and devoted fanbase! AUUUUGH!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:29 Modern Who: “Hide”
23:39 Classic Who: “Image of the Fendahl”
41:01 Themes: Horror
51:52 Rankings
59:21 Closing

Cool Refreshing Armageddon – “Cold War” & “The Ice Warriors”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 29 May 2023 12:00:32 +0000

"Re-affirm our range to target. One ping only." "But Captain, at this range, the listener will almost assuredly hear the latest episode of our Doctor Who podcast. We... we will not be silent, Captain." "One ping, Vasily."

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:31 Modern Who: “Cold War”
22:18 Classic Who: “The Ice Warriors”
39:08 Themes: How do you like your aliens served?
51:28 Rankings
59:33 Closing

Large and in Charge – “The Rings of Akhaten” & “The Web Planet”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 15 May 2023 12:00:24 +0000

Look, the monsters in these episodes... They're just big boned, OK? It's a metabolism thing, so don't make a value judgement on them just because they don't process carbs well.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:55 Modern Who: “The Rings of Akhaten”
28:21 Classic Who: “The Web Planet”
44:40 Themes: Ambition
52:18 Rankings
59:43 Closing

Who’s Who? – “The Bells of Saint John” & “Resurrection of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 01 May 2023 12:00:13 +0000

Everyone around you could just be a duplicate. A photocopy. A doppelgänger. A Xerox. A twin. A mimeograph. A double. Did I already say copy?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:41 Modern Who: “The Bells of Saint John”
26:46 Classic Who: “Resurrection of the Daleks”
41:29 Themes: Tegan, and Turlough
51:20 Rankings
57:18 Closing

Bad Intel – “The Snowmen” & “The Web of Fear”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 17 Apr 2023 12:00:07 +0000

Humph, "Great Intelligence"? But you're disembodied? And battle us with snowmen? Don't seem so "great" to me! Ha! Got 'em!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:49 Modern Who: “The Snowmen”
28:09 Classic Who: “The Web of Fear”
47:20 Themes: Prequels and sequels
1:01:46 Rankings
1:10:04 Closing

Man Power – “The Angels Take Manhattan” & “Revelation of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 03 Apr 2023 12:00:03 +0000

I know the title sounds like a nod to some sort of 70's pornography, but it's not! It's the touching ending of the Rory and Amy saga! Coupled with a really depressing Sixth Doctor monstrosity.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:17 Modern Who: “The Angels Take Manhattan”
28:27 Classic Who: “Revelation of the Daleks”
50:17 Themes: The Amy and Rory years
59:12 Rankings
1:07:00 Closing

All For One, Who For All – “The Power of Three” & “The Three Doctors (10th anniversary special)”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 20 Mar 2023 12:00:55 +0000

One is the loneliest number, and that's why the Doctor needs two companions! And two former Doctors! To make things happen in these power-packed episodes.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:03 Modern Who: “The Power of Three”
20:03 Classic Who: “The Three Doctors”
45:52 Themes: Bringing back old characters
58:40 Rankings
1:06:15 Closing

Who Shot J.R.? – “A Town Called Mercy” & “The Gunfighters”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 06 Mar 2023 13:00:59 +0000

Freeze, varmint! This here podcast is gonna recap a few episodes set in the rootin', tootin' Wild West. Saddle your accent! Tonight, we ride.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:02 Modern Who: “A Town Called Mercy”
25:22 Classic Who: “The Gunfighters”
47:53 Themes: Pastiche
1:02:47 Rankings
1:09:29 Closing

Do You Think Who Saw Us? – “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship” & “Invasion of the Dinosaurs”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 20 Feb 2023 13:00:45 +0000

This is UNIX. I KNOW this! We take a look at a couple episodes involving Dino DNA.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:43 Modern Who: “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship”
24:09 Classic Who: “Invasion of the Dinosaurs”
41:48 Themes: Special effects
54:13 Rankings
1:00:53 Closing

Dalek See, Dalek Do – “Asylum of the Daleks” & “Planet of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 23 Jan 2023 19:31:43 +0000

Daleks are back! Did they ever leave? Not really.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:06 Modern Who: “Asylum of the Daleks”
24:50 Classic Who: “Planet of the Daleks”
42:27 Themes: Classic Who versus new Who
58:24 Rankings
1:07:43 Closing

What’s Mined is Yours – “The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe” & “Colony in Space”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 05 Dec 2022 13:00:01 +0000

What does Doctor Who like to cover as much as power rerouting? Tink tink tink... That's right! Hold on to your hard hats with tiny lights on them! Let's talk mining!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:19 Modern Who: “The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe”
30:34 Classic Who: “Colony in Space”
43:31 Themes: Is Doctor Who sexist?
58:59 Rankings
1:05:42 Closing

Time Loop-de-Loop – “The Wedding of River Song” & “Day of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 21 Nov 2022 13:00:10 +0000

We check in with the Doctor as the River saga hurtles to an end. And then we do that again and again and again.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:59 Modern Who: “The Wedding of River Song”
23:11 Classic Who: “Day of the Daleks”
36:47 Themes: Matt Smith’s second season
47:41 Rankings
54:30 Closing

It’s Just a Show for Babies – “Closing Time” & “The Celestial Toymaker”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 07 Nov 2022 15:18:22 +0000

Gamera is a friend to all children, and these Doctor Who episodes are in toy stores. Deal with it!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:18 Modern Who: “Closing Time”
29:46 Classic Who: “The Celestial Toymaker”
45:30 Themes: Is Doctor Who a kids’ show?
59:48 Rankings
1:05:37 Closing

Peace of Mind Control – “The God Complex” & “The Mind of Evil”

No Not the Mind Probe — Wed, 28 Sep 2022 12:54:20 +0000

We take a listen to a couple instances where the human mind becomes someone's plaything. Predictably, the (sigh) Master shows up.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:25 Modern Who: “The God Complex”
22:35 Classic Who: “The Mind of Evil”
49:16 Themes: Mind control, and fear
1:02:41 Rankings
1:13:56 Closing

Wait Wait, Don’t Kill Me – “The Girl Who Waited” & “Dragonfire”

No Not the Mind Probe — Tue, 06 Sep 2022 12:00:57 +0000

Amy Pond is split in two! So that's twice the Amy for the same price. That's a bargain in my book. Sure hope she has someone who loves her to reconcile her duplicates. Also, the Seventh Doctor suffers through an impenetrable story, but meets Ace! So it's not all bad.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:34 Modern Who: “The Girl Who Waited”
22:02 Classic Who: “Dragonfire”
42:34 Themes: Companions
59:21 Rankings
1:13:08 Closing

Creep Impact – “Night Terrors” & “Ghost Light”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 22 Aug 2022 12:00:05 +0000

Boo! Did I scare you? How about this... THERE'S A SPIDER ON YOUR BACK! No? All right, then try these couple of ghoulish, creepy Doctor Who stories instead. They'll make the hair on the back of your Gallifreyan neck stand up.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:28 Modern Who: “Night Terrors”
23:58 Classic Who: “Ghost Light”
46:30 Themes: Complexity, and evolution
1:01:56 Rankings
1:09:28 Closing

Body Double Trouble – “Let’s Kill Hitler” & “Terror of the Zygons”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 08 Aug 2022 12:00:07 +0000

So this podcast LOOKS like No Not the Mind Probe, but is it ACTUALLY No Not the Mind Probe? Or just a horrifying duplicate! Aaaaah! AAAAAUGH! Well, no, this is actually just No Not the Mind Probe. But listen to the whole thing and make sure.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:55 Modern Who: “Let’s Kill Hitler”
26:38 Classic Who: “Terror of the Zygons”
40:47 Themes: It’s a small universe
54:06 Rankings
1:01:23 Closing

Battle Hymn of the Who-public – “A Good Man Goes to War” & “The Dominators”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 25 Jul 2022 12:00:51 +0000

War? What is it good for? Well, mainly to bring up certain interesting moral questions about what goals make conflict worthwhile. Also, when nothing is on TV, war can be a nice distraction.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:18 Modern Who: “A Good Man Goes to War”
22:48 Classic Who: “The Dominators”
36:36 Themes: War and pacifism
47:18 Rankings
51:38 Closing

Great Future in Plastics – “The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People” & “Terror of the Autons”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 11 Jul 2022 12:00:29 +0000

Ugh, this episode is so phony, so plastic. You think you know someone, and it turns out they're just some clone or automaton. It's so hard to meet REAL people anymore these days, you know?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:38 Modern Who: “The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People”
19:32 Classic Who: “Terror of the Autons”
35:34 Themes: Motivations for evil
47:31 Rankings
54:51 Closing

The Story Behind the Story – “The Doctor’s Wife” & “An Adventure in Time and Space”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 20 Jun 2022 21:31:05 +0000

What if the Tardis was a lady? What if the BBC made a high quality document-drama about William Hartnell as a grumpy grandpa?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
10:41 Modern Who: “The Doctor’s Wife”
27:10 Classic Who: “An Adventure in Space and Time”
42:56 Themes: Origins
53:54 Rankings
59:23 Closing

Yo Ho Who, and a Bottle of Fun – “The Curse of the Black Spot” & “The Smugglers”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 30 May 2022 13:00:00 +0000

Avast ye maties! Thar be TWO Doctor Who stories involvin' pirates, and this be them. We also explore why the hell people seem to romanticize these raping, pillaging bastards.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:01 Modern Who: “The Curse of the Black Spot”
15:37 Classic Who: “The Smugglers”
27:01 Themes: Pirates
36:00 Rankings
41:50 Closing

Planetary Intergalactic – “The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon” & “The Tenth Planet”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 23 May 2022 13:00:35 +0000

John and Porter join the Doctor and head off to impossible worlds! With impossible creatures! And impossible to understand storylines!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
11:30 Modern Who: “The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon”
28:38 Classic Who: “The Tenth Planet”
41:53 Themes: Event television
54:06 Rankings
59:11 Closing

A Light at the End of the Chunnel – “A Christmas Carol” & “City of Death”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 25 Apr 2022 12:05:44 +0000

You there, boy! What day is it? It's Whosmas Day, sir! Good, I haven't missed it. Here, lad. There's a big juicy Jagaroth in the butcher shop window. Buy it and deliver it to the No Not the Mind Probe podcast.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:51 Modern Who: “A Christmas Carol”
21:45 Classic Who: “City of Death”
36:42 Themes: A Matt Smith report card
44:13 Rankings
53:40 Closing

Let’s Call It a Knight – “The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang” & “The Androids of Tara”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 11 Apr 2022 12:00:36 +0000

It's the end of the Universe, as we know it. And we feel fine. Why? Because Rory's back, baby! Also, the first Romana checks in for a medieval romps with androids.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:02 Modern Who: “The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang”
28:34 Classic Who: “The Androids of Tara”
38:42 Themes: High stakes and low stakes
54:22 Rankings
1:07:04 Closing

The Doctor Next Store – “The Lodger” & “Fury from the Deep”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 28 Mar 2022 19:21:23 +0000

Knock knock! Who's there? James Corden! And also the Doctor. And also some sea foam. Plus, we bid adieu to Victoria.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:52 Modern Who: “The Lodger”
26:18 Classic Who: “Fury from the Deep”
42:19 Themes: Doctor Who in the everyday
50:49 Rankings
1:01:33 Closing

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Doctor – “Vincent and the Doctor” & “Castrovalva”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 07 Mar 2022 13:00:45 +0000

We class it up a little and take a look at two stories involving references to the art world. Paint me like one of your French girls, Doctor!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:06 Modern Who: “Vincent and the Doctor”
22:19 Classic Who: “Castrovalva”
45:05 Themes: Is sci-fi about big ideas?
59:02 Rankings
1:06:23 Closing

London Underground 2: The Sea-quel – “The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood” & “The Sea Devils”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 13:00:37 +0000

Humans! Silurians! Get in here NOW! Now you two are going to learn how to share this planet together, or there is NO dinner for either of you! Do you hear me? Now. Go finish your homework and wash up for dinner.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:38 Modern Who: “The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood”
36:44 Classic Who: “The Sea Devils”
53:46 Themes: The military
1:01:46 Rankings
1:09:03 Closing

Night of the Living Elderly – “Amy’s Choice” & “Paradise Towers”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 07 Feb 2022 13:00:40 +0000

What are you recording? A "potcast"? What's a "potcast"? Is it about pots? What? I cannot- Can you please speak up? A doctor? What doctor? Who? Karen Gillan? Oh. I love her.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:34 Modern Who: “Amy’s Choice”
24:57 Classic Who: “Paradise Towers”
44:24 Themes: The elderly
58:27 Rankings
1:08:29 Closing

Vamplified – “The Vampires of Venice” & “State of Decay”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 24 Jan 2022 13:03:48 +0000

Ze Doctor vants to suck your blood! Vell, not ze Doctor per se, but ze monsters ze Doctor is doing ze fighting against. None-ze-less! Blah! Blah! Fangs! And so on!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
9:42 Modern Who: “The Vampires of Venice”
31:09 Classic Who: “State of Decay”
47:26 Themes: Why do people like vampires?
58:25 Rankings
1:05:18 Closing

Crash Into Me – “The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone” & “Full Circle”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 27 Dec 2021 13:00:23 +0000

Yes, it’s raining spaceships – hallelujah! – but the Doctor is there to pick up the pieces. First, Doctor #11 and Amy Pond rescue the gorgeous and glamorous River Song, who returns to the series after dying in a library but not really dying (and trust us, it only gets more complicated from here). Porter and John are running out of superlatives for the great Matt Smith by this point, which is ironic (sort of) as this is his first actual performance (in terms of recording order). Yes, this sort of electrifying trivia is only part of the excitement as the Doctor, his friends, and some gun-totin’ Church folk tangle with a whole heapin’ helpin’ of Weepin’ Angels. Check your watches, Probers, because it’s The Time of Angels (and Flesh and Stone).

It takes a little longer for the 4th Doctor and Romana to arrive at the scene of their spaceship crash (a number of generations, in fact), but per usual once they arrive they manage to up-end an entire civilization within hours. It’s a lesson in evolution on Alzarius, which makes sense because the story is written by then 18-year old Andrew Smith, a Doctor Who fan who had probably only just studied evolution when he mailed in his script to the Doctor Who production office. John is thrilled with some mildly homoerotic opening scenes, while Porter is delighted by the return of K-9 with whom he has been enamored since our very first, as yet unaired NNTMP Pilot episode. So excited that even as he was dragged into a swamp (long story), he had the wherewithal to shout, “Tell John, we’ve come Full Circle!”

Chapters

0:00 Intro
7:36 Modern Who: “The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone”
32:53 Classic Who: “Full Circle”
46:12 Themes: Defying authority
1:00:03 Rankings
1:05:03 Closing

The Trojan Dalek – “Victory of the Daleks” & “The Power of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 13 Dec 2021 13:00:16 +0000

But before we come to grips with sneaky Daleks, let’s take a moment to celebrate our 50th episode! Yes, many said we couldn’t do it. They said the world was too saturated in Podcasts. They said we lacked the requisite connections to turn NNTMP into nothing short of an international, dare we say, phenomenon. Well, they were right – but we did it anyway!

As if 50 eps wasn’t momentous enough, our stories this week pack in the momentousness. We begin with 11th Doctor Matt Smith’s historic first meeting with the Daleks – made even more historic by the inclusion of the historic Winston Churchill during the historic Blitz when the Nazis were trying to make the UK history. The Daleks, themselves moved by all the historicness, decide to roll out a super fab redesign that answers the question, “What if the Daleks were the same color as M&Ms?” The answer is that they would be deeply unpopular. But not unpopular enough to thwart The Victory of the Daleks!

We then return rocket back to perhaps the single most important story in Doctor Who history – which must be why it was immediately lost by the BBC. Anyhow… it’s the debut of Patrick Troughton as Doctor #2, confusing the hell out of the youth of Britain who were desperately trying to understand what had happened. Ol’ Pat is not immediately helpful to his friends Ben and Polly or to the audience, but fortunately the Daleks are around to comfort us by sinisterly manipulating the colonists, driving a scientist insane, and then just mass slaughtering everyone in sight. The Omnibot 2000 they are most certainly not. Join Porter and John as they get a charge out of The Power of the Daleks.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:13 Modern Who: “Victory of the Daleks”
23:28 Classic Who: “The Power of the Daleks”
46:20 Themes: Daleks
59:28 Rankings
1:09:01 Closing

Who Gotta Get Outta This Place – “The Beast Below” & “The Ark”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 29 Nov 2021 13:00:50 +0000

But look… this Podcast is meant to be a light distraction from the troubles of life, so we’ll just gloss over the fact that they both start on the premise that, you know, Earth has exploded. Let’s accentuate the positive here and focus on the survivors… who unnecessarily enslave and torture a kindly space creature that was trying to help them. Whew. Ok, let’s, um, focus on Matt Smith and Karen Gillan, still acting their socks off as they explore a floating UK in space with some bizarre Zoltars who serve… a function, apparently. We also get the superb Sophie Okonedo as the bloody Queen (her words) resisting the urge to hit the Abdicate button (like all queens do). It’s a high-concept light-hearted romp in space… if you ignore the plight of The Beast Below.

Of course, maybe more people escaped from Earth than we thought because Doctor Who has been tracking arks fleeing Earth left, right, and center – there must be one heck of a traffic jam in space with all these arks. We go back to Doctor Who’s early days and William Hartnell‘s final season as the First Doctor as he and Steven and brand new companion Dodo arrive on a space Ark where they hand in a 2-stories-for-the-price-of-one Groupon. The result is half a story about trying to cure the common cold (which the Doctor does quite easily, which must be a bit embarrassing for Merck), and then a second half about one-eyed Beatles impersonators who take over and enslave humanity because that’s what you do when you have one eye…. Will John and Porter be compelled to flee the Earth in disappointment (or excitement)?! To find out, join them in climbing on board The Ark!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:05 Modern Who: “The Beast Below”
22:35 Classic Who: “The Ark”
38:52 Themes: Arks
49:16 Rankings
55:36 Closing

Who’s the New Guy? – “The Eleventh Hour” & “Doctor Who”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 15 Nov 2021 11:00:16 +0000

Isn’t that just the way? You’re waiting and waiting for a new Doctor and then two come along at once.

Yes, the Eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith, makes his debut alongside Karen Gillan as new companion Amy Pond, both spouting the dialog of new showrunner (and NNTMP darling) Steven Moffat. It’s an extra long Who season premiere doing what Moffat does best – firing ideas and sharp dialog at you at a breakneck pace. We’ve got cracks in walls, alien prisoners, alien prison guards, Kissograms, nurse fiances, Oscar winners, handsome hunks, and new culinary creations all vying for our attention but all paling in comparison to Matt Smith’s completely owning the role within about 15 minutes. Was our enthusiasm for Who sagging just a touch? Well thankfully Smith, Gillian, Moffat, and co. swoop in to revitalize us at… The Eleventh Hour!

But this isn’t the first… or even the second… Who “reboot” (that’s not a real reboot) on our agenda. We go back to the heady days of 1996. The Cold War was over, Bill Clinton was president (pre-scandal), John was studying for his AP Bio exam (not the whole year), and Doctor Who was returing to our screens on… Fox?! Look, the 90s were a weird time, OK? We were still trying to work out what the hell happened in the 80s. Anyway, Doctor Who had miraculously risen from the dead as a Fox-BBC co-production which answered the question, “What do American audiences want?” with a resounding, “A confusing mess with Eric Roberts.” Fortunately, they also cast Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor, who – accompanied by his cardiologist – goes in search of an atomic clock for… reasons… and then something happens and then some other things and then the Master falls in a hole and oh yeah Sylvester McCoy was in it for a really long time and also apparently there was a bombed out hospital in San Francisco. And that right there is a relatively simple summary of the cleverly titled Doctor Who The TV Movie.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:41 Modern Who: “The Eleventh Hour”
25:37 Classic Who: “Doctor Who” (the TV movie)
59:09 Themes: Reboots
1:08:53 Rankings
1:16:24 Closing

Time, Lord, Is On Our Side – “The End of Time” & “The War Games”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 12:00:35 +0000

Clear your calendars, Probers, because we have got 7 (SEVEN!) hours of Who to discuss… which turns out to only need about 20 more minute in the Podcast.

We kick off our epic look at epics with the epic conclusion of David Tennant’s epic run as the 10th Doctor (which itself is really just the two-part epic finale to his epic lap of honor). Yes, he doesn’t want to go, and we can tell because he has been saying goodbye for about 6 episodes at this point. But, as we say, there’s one more epic to get under our belts and it’s a doozy as John Simm returns as a resurrected Master who can really tuck into a turkey. He’s got a diabolical plot to save the BBC on casting and actor salaries by becoming EVERYONE, which would in itself be a heck of a cliffhanger, but then – BAM! – out of nowhere we get James freakin’ Bond himself, Timothy Dalton, just bustin’ in all, “Hey, guess what? Gallifrey’s back and I am Rassilon. Bitches.” And then we still get Wilf, Donna, Sylvia Noble, Sarah, Martha, Mickey, Jack, Alonzo, and soom Ood. Oh yeah, and then Matt Smith shows up. It’s a heck of a story and we could go into more detail if we hadn’t already reached… The End of Time!

A two-hour Doctor regeneration story?! That has to be one heck of a grand finale! Pshaw, say Malcolm Hulke and Terrance Dicks from back in 1969. Feast your eyes on 10 (TEN!) episodes of classic Who as Patrick Troughton ends his reign as Doctor #2. It’s a gradual reveal (I mean, they had the time) as the Doctor, Jamie, and Zoe find themselves caught up in World War I… and the US Civil War… and some vague Roman war thing…. We quickly learn never to trust people with glasses as we discover a fiendish alien plot to build the universe’s greatest fighting force. A plot slightly marred by some really bitchy interoffice rivalry between the War Chief and the Security Chief. And, as if that’s not enough… once again the Time Lords show up in the epic conclusion! Only, this time, it’s the FIRST time they’ve ever shown up in Doctor Who. Porter and John can barely contain the excitement as they take sides on The War Games!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:28 Modern Who: “The End of Time”
38:17 Classic Who: “The War Games”
1:04:22 Themes: The Time Lords, and David Tennant
1:16:06 Rankings
1:23:49 Closing

Life on Mars – “The Waters of Mars” & “The Ambassadors of Death”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 18 Oct 2021 13:09:25 +0000

Yes, John and Porter are gallivanting off to Mars and crossing their fingers not to run unto Elon Musk – just because he seems like he’d be a bit awkward and there’s already enough trouble there without having to deal with uncomfortable social situations. But, our internationally diverse (don’t worry – all still attractive) crew of Bowie Base would probably wish the worst they had to endure was a few uncomfortable silences instead of one-by-one being picked off by malevolent alien water. Fortunately, the 10th Doctor is on hand to save them – only he can’t because he saw that episode where Barbara learned she can’t do that – only maybe he can because he’s the Time Lord Victorious – only no, never mind, because companion-of-the-month Adelaide is so hell-bent on winning an argument that she’ll kill herself to do it. It’s a lot to talk about, so if you are feeling parched then slake your thirst on The Waters of Mars!

Turns out that Mars – like Australia – is full of things that are trying to kill you, as the Third Doctor, Liz, and the Brigadier discover in the sprawling epic that completes NNTMP’s run of the Seventh Season of classic Who. In the classic British fashion of downplaying their own abilities, Doctor Who posits the existence of a British space program that appears to be a complete disaster in terms of driving astronauts insane and/or losing them in space. This leads to a fiendishly clever plot (revealed almost entirely in Episode 7) in which Liz Shaw keeps failing to escape from a cellar while the galaxy’s worst emissaries keep accidentally killing anyone they touch. Fortunately, there is a lot of fighting, shooting, and hijacking to keep us amused. Porter and John set the best china, bone up on their protocol, and put out the little flags as they prepare to receive… The Ambassadors of Death!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:40 Modern Who: “The Waters of Mars”
19:47 Classic Who: “The Ambassadors of Death”
38:19 Themes: Mars
48:13 Rankings
56:18 Closing

Stand Clear of the Closing Doctor – “Planet of the Dead” & “Time-Flight”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 11:00:04 +0000

It’s Easter and we’re on a London bus with a rich lady cat burglar and Lee Evans. Tell me if you’ve heard this one before? Well, you have if you’ve watched the next in our series of 10th Doctor specials forming David Tennant’s lap of honor. The bus has, as is typical of mass transit, been delayed due to a wormhole that leaves it in a desert that looks a lot like Dubai but is in fact an alien planet! Now it’s a race against time for the Doctor, Lady Christina, an Oscar winner, a wise and slightly psychic black woman, and some fly people as they work with UNIT and the great Malcolm to get back to Earth before a bunch giant flying manta rays can escape… the Planet of the Dead!

It’s then back to the 5th Doctor era, which then takes us back even further to prehistoric Earth in a classic Who episode that takes on the tough issues of the day and drives home the important message: “Hey! We got a Concorde!” After taking the requisite 30 seconds to mourn the death of Adric, the Doctor, Tegan, and Nyssa head to Heathrow where they get involved in the hunt for a missing Concorde. Will Porter and John resolve the mystery of the inexplicably (and slightly racist-ly) disguised Master? Will they become embroiled in the intriguing mystery of the Xerpahin – namely, who the Hell are they and what is this story actually supposed to be about? To find out, grab your carry-on and park yourself in the Group 2 line (if you are a frequent Prober), and don’t be late to catch your Time-Flight!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:42 Modern Who: “Planet of the Dead”
23:21 Classic Who: “Time-Flight”
46:58 Themes: Public transit
53:53 Rankings
1:03:09 Closing

Another Day, Another Doctor – “The Next Doctor” & “Robot”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 09:35:25 +0000

But it’s more than just robots as this pairing gives NNTMP the opportunity to break its silence on the VERY common phenomenon of powerful women wanting to rampage around cities via ginormous mechanical penis proxies. We’re in favor. So, we’re fully on board for some Victorian age shenanigans involving a (maybe) prostitute and some Cybermen and their Temple of Doom homage versus a companion-less David Tennant accompanied by a companionful David Morrisey. There’s also Rositas and hot air balloons in the meta-titled head fake that is The Next Doctor.

We’re then back to the enormously popular Season 12 for the debut of the one, the only, the legend whose legacy shapes Doctor Who to this day: Professor Kettlewell! Also, Tom Baker shows up for his first paycheck. Which is a bit ironic as he is basically in a Third Doctor story, joining the Brigadier, Benton, Sarah Jane Smith, and Bessie (along with newcomer Harry Sullivan) tussling with the sinister Think Tank and their power mad leader, Hilda Winters. The UK has all the world’s nuclear codes for… reasons… and a disintegrator gun-wielding robot wants them hence the direct opposite of a meta-title, the straight-forward and to the point title, Robot. Also, John and Porter then mansplain feminism. You’re welcome, ladies.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:45 Modern Who: “The Next Doctor”
29:24 Classic Who: “Robot”
52:12 Themes: Feminism
1:07:00 Rankings
1:15:04 Closing

A Davros by Any Other Name – “The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End” & “Genesis of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 06 Sep 2021 13:00:45 +0000

Yes. Yesssss. To broadcast our thoughts across the Internet to dozens of people. To hold in our hand, a device that would contain such power. To know that the tiny pressure of our fingers – enough to hit the “Post” button – would share… everything. Yes. We WOULD do it. AND THROUGH THIS PODCAST WE HAVE THAT POWER!!!!

Look, if you don’t like ranting, then you probably should skip these episodes because they both feature the Ranty McRanterson of Doctor Who: Davros. Or probably Dr. Davros, right? He must have a PhD. Anyhoo, we kick off with 21st Century Who’s precursor to The Avengers as they gather everyone who has ever even thought about appearing in Who and shoehorn them into a rollicking romp featuring: Sarah. Captain Jack. Martha. Rose. Torchwood. Harriet Jones. Dalek Caan. Sylvia and Wilf. Jackie and Mickey. TWO David Tennants. The afore-mentioned Davros. Oh, and a fake-out regeneration. Is it too much for our intrepid Podcasters to handle? Find out as they contemplate The Stolen Earth before reaching Journeys End.

Having had a taste of Davros, we crave more (who wouldn’t – he’s so charming!) so we head back to the 4th Doctor era where we meet him for the very first time. We find our mad scientist buddy beavering away in his lab creating the Daleks and only taking quick breaks to commit not one but two genocides. He is only occasionally disturbed by the Doctor, Sarah, and Harry popping in to deliver some dialog and then ultimately even they just watch the riveting final episode on TV. Now, John has seen this episode 30+ times so we might have a hint of his feelings toward it. Will Porter share his fondness for the book of Genesis of the Daleks?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:45 Modern Who: “The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End”
36:37 Classic Who: “Genesis of the Daleks”
52:37 Themes: Davros, and morality tales
1:04:08 Rankings
1:11:19 Closing

The Doctor is Out – “Turn Left” & “The Dalek Invasion of Earth 2150 AD”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 23 Aug 2021 13:00:34 +0000

Wondering how these two fit together? Well shut up, that’s why. YOU try pairing up a couple hundred pieces of television broadcast over 50 years with wildly varying themes and tones all from memory on a Sunday afternoon after three martinis! Ahem. And certainly our opening Doctor-lite, Donna-heavy episode stands out as a bit of an unusual take on Who, given how it kills off the Doctor in the opening ten minutes. But then it’s a fun-filled romp as Russell T. Davies wipes out half the planet, systematically bumps off beloved Who supporting characters, and (just for fun!) heavily implies a UK-led Holocaust II. It’s a real shift for our beloved show, and it leaves your intrepid Podcast team unsure which way to turn. Oh, wait. Left. They should Turn Left.

So, having seen one world without the Doctor, we then take a look at a different alternative universe – this one where the Doctor is actually… Governor Tarkin! Yes, we’re back in the swinging Sixties with some technicolor Daleks, a really jazzy incidental score, some more Bernard Cribbins (he transcends time, it appears), and an overall somehow less epic retread of a First Doctor classic. But what else can you expect when you’ve journeyed to the year… 2150 AD! Peter Cushing IS the Doctor in what is only the second (to date) Doctor Who (sort of) big screen adventure Daleks’ Invasion Earth 2150 AD.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:15 Modern Who: “Turn Left”
30:24 Classic Who: “Daleks’ Invasion Earth 2150 A.D.”
45:48 Themes: Doctor Who as film
56:18 Rankings
1:01:53 Closing

Rainbow Troughton – “Midnight” & “The Curse of Peladon”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 12:00:33 +0000

So, with apologies to everyone who came here thinking this was an episode speculating on Patrick Troughton’s sexuality, we instead watch David Troughton grow up – in reverse, of course, as we start with New Who’s sojourn into claustrophobia and mass hysteria (FUN!). It’s one of RTD’s favorite stories, featuring minimal Donna and maximum space van, Merlin (before he was Merlin), some other randos, and an inexplicably self-sacrifice-happy stewardess journeying into the darkness found at the heart of men’s souls as the clock strikes… Midnight.

Our intrepid Podcasters then rocket back in ol’ DT’s personal timeline to enjoy really the intellectual equivalent of Midnight except that most of the main cast are wearing rubber suits – including one that is basically a giant-eyed wang in a cloak. But stifle those snickers because this is Alpha Centauri, much beloved by fans, and he is accompanied by NNTMP’s first brush with another Who monster legend – the Martian Ice Warriors! And, of course, when you’ve got a room full of exciting monsters with laser guns and whatnot, then you have all the ingredients for an exciting tale of action-packed… committee meetings. Prepare yourselves for the Third Doctor and Jo’s first (yes – there’s a sequel!) encounter with the terrors of The Curse of Peladon.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:44 Modern Who: “Midnight”
27:59 Classic Who: “The Curse of Peladon”
44:31 Themes: Recurring actors
54:20 Rankings
58:42 Closing

Virtual Insanity – “Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead” & “The Deadly Assassin”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 02 Aug 2021 12:00:05 +0000

And so enters Dr. Elizabeth Corday… erm (or should I say, ERm?)… Dr. River Song. A character destined to return again and again to New Who (except of course that she dies here… or not really dies, sort of). And if Porter and John weren’t confused enough by this single character, you’ve got Steven Moffat just really being annoyingly brilliant as he hurls enough clever ideas at you in the first ten minutes to sustain the entire career of lesser writers (looking at you Illiam-Way Akespeare-Shay). You’ve got shadow piranhas, sentient computers, soul-echoing communicators, possible future Doctors, an entire virtual life for Donna, and… most bizarre of all… a place where information is stored on bound collections of paper stored on shelves. Now, shut your pie hole, because our Podcasting duo needs Silence in the Library as we explore the Forest of the Dead.

We then rocket back to days of 4th Doctor yore to find our hero (sadly sans talking cabbage) visiting his legendary home planet of Gallifrey for an epic encounter with a burned out husk with ping pong ball eyes (which is how John used to describe himself on hookup Apps). But there’s no time for hookups here as the Doctor’s non-pepperpot shaped arch-enemy has returned – the Master is his name and assassinatin’ is his game as he takes potshots at the Time Lord President in a confusing attempt to steal his fashion accessories. Fortunately for our podcasters, this involves a 3rd episode left-turn into the surreal world of the Matrix thereby justifying this episode pairing. Join Porter and John and an eerie laughing clown reflection as they contemplate the redundancy of the title The Deadly Assassin.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:35 Modern Who: “Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead”
29:52 Classic Who: “The Deadly Assassin”
45:52 Themes: Virtual worlds
53:32 Rankings
1:00:52 Closing

Who Done Done It? – “The Unicorn and the Wasp” & “Black Orchid”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 19 Jul 2021 12:00:38 +0000

Yes… solve the greatest mystery ever… how is it possible Porter and John are actually married to other sentient beings?! Well we ARE. And we’re so confident in our marriages that we’ll allow them in front of a microphone where they could easily cry out for help. But they DON’T. In the final edit.

Anyhooo… it’s time for a Who-dunit and where else to start but with the all-time Queen of Mystery Writers, Dame Agatha Christie. The Doctor and Donna crash a party and come face-to-face with some classic mystery tropes (except for the part where the murderer is a giant alien bug). They’re name-checkin’ Christie novels left, right, and center as Porter, John, Mike, and Mrs. Probe try to unravel the puzzle that is The Unicorn and the Wasp.

We then slow the pace down – WAAAY down – as we stay in the 20s time period (in fictional terms) and time travel back (in production terms) to the 5th Doctor era (did everyone follow that?). Yes, the Doctor, Tegan, Nyssa, Adric, Paul, John, and Ringo suffer the horrible consequences of mistaken identity: attending a costume party! But not before there is some cricket. A LOT of cricket. So much cricket that it’s not really until Part 2 that we are presented with the Victorian Gothic thrills and chills of a secret-passage riddled house concealing dark family secrets. But it’s a good thing they got to it in Part 2 because there is no Part 3 or 4 and we wrap things up tidily(ish) without falling afoul of the curse of the Black Orchid.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:36 Modern Who: “The Unicorn and the Wasp”
30:51 Classic Who: “Black Orchid”
52:48 Themes: Murder mysteries
1:07:28 Rankings
1:16:40 Closing

Family Ties – “The Doctor’s Daughter” & “The Dalek Invasion of Earth”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 12:00:18 +0000

What would we do, baby, without us? What would we doooo, baby, without soldier spawn built off of genetic material taken from us without consent? Yes, the Doctor, Donna, and a reluctant Martha are in the family way as they become embroiled in a generations (wink wink) long war between some jerk humans and some seemingly nice fish people. And the Doctor has a “daughter” in the sense that someone cloned some chick from his hand, and she is a kick ass soldier in the sense that we all pretend to forget how DNA works. Oh, and John possibly has a LOT of wine before recording and spends a LOT of time talking about how the Doctor’s daughter is played by the Doctor’s daughter who is now the mother of the Doctor’s daughter(s). In case you had not picked this up, we are talking about The Doctor’s Daughter.

Ensconced in the warm fuzzy glow of family and the ties that truly bind, we then go back to that time when the First Doctor completely ditched his teenaged granddaughter in a Dalek-ravaged London with some guy she’s known for 10 minutes. Because the Daleks are back for the first time in Doctor Who, and they have decided that they, like, super need to drive the Earth around like a giant, planet-sized Honda Accord. It’s Doctor Who’s first true epic as we contemplate plague, underground resistance, lobotomized Robomen, whirlwind romance, and The Dalek Invasion of Earth!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
9:52 Modern Who: “The Doctor’s Daughter”
34:27 Classic Who: “The Dalek Invasion of Earth”
1:03:37 Themes: Family
1:18:17 Rankings
1:29:27 Closing

The Prodigal Sontaran – “The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky” & “The Time Warrior”

No Not the Mind Probe — Tue, 22 Jun 2021 23:51:28 +0000

Whoa! Sorry for the delay. This episode was supposed to be live yesterday. But Porter was accidentally overcome by a race of warrior clones.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
6:42 Modern Who: “The Sontaran Stratagem/The Poison Sky”
30:51 Classic Who: “The Time Warrior”
46:37 Themes: What makes a good alien race?, and scale
1:00:28 Rankings
1:12:37 Closing

Singin’ with the Brains – “Planet of the Ood” & “Time and the Rani”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 07 Jun 2021 12:00:25 +0000

But really, the only link here is just a couple o’ giant brains that would make a hungry zombie fall to their knees and give thanks to be alive… erm, or dead, we guess. We start with the 10th Doctor and Donna arriving on the Ood home planet because some people thought, “Hey, maybe the Doctor should have more to say about the whole Ood slavery thing than a sternly worded Letter to the Editor in the Des Moines Daily Shopper.” What follows is your bog standard hey-let’s-free-them-all-from-slavery-but-don’t-fall-in-the-giant-brain-because-it-will-absorb-you-(I-guess?)-for-some-reason-not-fully-understood romp featuring a guy from Blackadder and a guy from Chef. It’s a plot so straight-forward that Probers get a glimpse into John’s formative years, which were marked primarily by the receipt of knock-off versions of movie soundtracks. If only he had been able to run away from it all and live in lobotomized bliss on the Planet of the Ood.

We then rocket back to the always entertaining Season 24 and the debut of Sylvester McCoy – first, very briefly, as the 6th Doctor and then for a bit longer as the 7th Doctor. Recovering from the ol’ conk-on-the-head induced regeneration, the Doctor must try to fight through the haze of post-regenerative amnesia amplified by the haze of Bonnie Langford and Kate O’Mara‘s hairspray, and Porter must fight through three episodes of the much-maligned Time and the Rani before even discovering the linking theme of these episodes – yes, it’s another giant brain. Absurd? Sure. But any more absurd than Kylie Minogue driving a forklift into a pit of fire? See what the NNTMP crew has to say.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:43 Modern Who: “Planet of the Ood”
18:37 Classic Who: “Time and the Rani”
35:43 Themes: Absurdism, and giant brains
46:00 Rankings
51:37 Closing

Causation Nation – “The Fires of Pompeii” & “The Romans”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 24 May 2021 10:22:47 +0000

We also go back in Porter and John’s personal timelines to discover that they live way more awesome lives than YOU do – John took five years of Latin in Catholic school and they BOTH have been to Pompeii (separately). So just imagine the two of them wandering around in the background of the set of Rome in flip-flops and “I’m with stupid” T-shirts as you watch the Doctor take Donna on her first trip into history. There they meet a future Doctor and companion cleverly disguised as completely random characters (almost as if there was no connection at all…), and then they battle some CGI rock creatures who have a super awesome plan (that John and Porter totally understand, by the way) that is thwarted by flooding the city of Pompeii with liquid hot magma. The first half of this podcast is so hot that you should be careful that you don’t burn your fingers in The Fires of Pompeii.

We then take a short hop back in Roman history but a giant leap back in Who history to the era of Nero and the First Doctor as he, Ian, and Barbara take New Susan (a.k.a., Vicki) on her first TARDIS trip into history too. There, the Doctor light-heartedly loots a corpse and vaguely toys with the idea of assassinating the Emperor (who has also hilariously enslaved Barbara and is trying to rape her). Ha! Ian, meanwhile, scrambles to live every plot of every Roman history-based movie/television show that has ever been made. Yes, it’s a laugh-a-minute in ancient Rome in the cunningly titled The Romans.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:08 Modern Who: “The Fires of Pompeii”
25:07 Classic Who: “The Romans”
44:41 Themes: The Doctor at key moments in history, and Rome
57:14 Rankings
1:03:44 Closing

Remember Nostaglia? – “Partners in Crime” & “Battlefield”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 10 May 2021 13:30:51 +0000

Ah, there's always room for a remembrance of things past. Or things passed. Yes, this is an episode about kidney stones. No, wait! It's not! These are episodes where we welcome back a couple of characters from the Doctor's past.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:41 Modern Who: “Partners in Crime”
27:58 Classic Who: “Battlefield”
47:15 Themes: Returning characters
1:00:36 Rankings
1:07:20 Closing

Lapping Up Luxury – “Voyage of the Damned” & “Terror of the Vervoids”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 26 Apr 2021 19:23:55 +0000

All aboard! It's very topical exploration of the dangers of luxury cruise liners as two different Doctors experience death among the high seas! (Well, high... stars? High nebulas? High... space... seas? That's it.)

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:04 Modern Who: “Voyage of the Damned”
25:01 Classic Who: “Terror of the Vervoids”
42:10 Themes: Classic movies as templates
47:35 Rankings
56:00 Closing

Martha and Tom Baker Have HAD It – “The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords” & “Logopolis”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 19 Apr 2021 12:30:53 +0000

We bid adieu to Martha, the one who never brought the Doctor's love forth, and Tom Baker, the Fourth Doctor who everyone brought love. Do not go gentle into that good night, Fourth Doctor and Martha!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:17 Modern Who: “The Sound of Drums/Last of the Time Lords”
34:27 Classic Who: “Logopolis”
56:58 Themes: The Master
1:04:55 Rankings
1:13:40 Closing

Hey La Hey La, The Master’s Back – “Utopia” & “The Keeper of Traken”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 12 Apr 2021 19:00:22 +0000

What if I told you... there was another Time Lord? And that he was... FABULOUS?! We welcome the Master back. So pull up a chair, pop up some popcorn, get into a comfortable posture, and prepare to be re-Mastered.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:49 Modern Who: “Utopia”
24:50 Classic Who: “The Keeper of Traken”
43:52 Themes: Technobabble, and world building
59:45 Rankings
1:06:52 Closing

Statue of Limitations – “Blink” & “Silver Nemesis”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 05 Apr 2021 17:00:44 +0000

Because let’s face it – if Porter doesn’t like this one, then what are we all doing here? If you can’t get behind a multiple Oscar-nominee facing living statues that force people to live their lives to death and can only be defeated with the help of a DVD Easter Egg, then this show is probably not for you. So gather around your Podcast-playing medium with bated breath as our intrepid team stares down the debut of the Weeping Angels and dare each other not to Blink.

If time traveling living statues are your “thing,” then boy are you in for a treat as NNTMP rockets back to 1988 and the 25th anniversary of Who. Flush with the tremendous achievement of reaching 25 years, the BBC pulls out all the stops (and here, apparently, “stops” means “money“) and delivers a whole lotta plot that vaguely suggests a momentous anniversary because some things are silver. Will Porter and John be able to keep track of Gallifreyan super weapons, Cybermen, Nazis, crazy 17th Century women, crazy Tony Award winning women, the Cartmel Masterplan, and the latest Theme Section theme? Find out as they confront the tightly plotted (erm…) Silver Nemesis.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:54 Modern Who: “Blink”
34:23 Classic Who: “Silver Nemesis”
51:18 Themes: Time travel stories
1:02:06 Rankings
1:13:08 Closing

Whole Lotta Swappin’ Goin’ On – “Human Nature/The Family of Blood” & “Mawdryn Undead”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 29 Mar 2021 17:05:47 +0000

You know how when you sometimes want to change species? Like we all do. Well, Doctor Who takes a hard line on that one and says definitively… maybe not? The scarecrows are a’marchin’, the schoolkids are a’shootin’, and everyone is a’stickin’ it to World War I as the Doctor becomes human and Martha once again gets screwed over. Will Porter be overcome with emotion at this beautiful testament to the beauty of a lifetime of true love? Will John smugly work into the discussion that he already knows what happens because anyone who’s a real fan read this story when it was a New Adventure back in 1995? You’ll find out as our Podcasters breakdown the fundamentals of Human Nature and flee from the Family of Blood.

Right, so who wants to become human when you can become a Time Lord?! Note, however, that becoming a Time Lord may (may, mind you) cause your brain to start poking out of your skull. But who has time to contemplate consequences when this classic 5th Doctor story is firing plot points at you like little kids machine-gunning a scarecrow – Nyssa and Tegan, Turlough‘s first story, Brigadier 1983, Brigadier 1977, the subsequent UNIT dating CHAOS, the Black Guardian, and just generally the wild excitement that is the 20th anniversary season. But such is the firehose of plot when you open the spigot that is the catchily entitled… Mawdryn Undead.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:18 Modern Who: “Human Nature/The Family of Blood”
24:31 Classic Who: “Mawdryn Undead”
44:18 Themes: Transformation, and canon
56:30 Rankings
1:06:42 Closing

A Fetching Quest – “42” & “The Keys of Marinus”

No Not the Mind Probe — Mon, 22 Mar 2021 17:00:13 +0000

Sometimes in life – as in podcasting – you gotta just keep doing a whole series of things in sequence and you reach your goal. It’s these sorts of life hacks that bring fans back to NNTMP week after week, and – by the transitive property of podcasting – to Doctor Who! Yes, the relationship between Martha and the Doctor really heats up this week, although sadly not in the romantic-y way that Martha is hoping for but more in a ship-into-a-sun plunge-y way as they find themselves trapped on the seemingly doomed SS Pentallian. There’s space mining, power reroutin’, bar trivia, and Martha trapped in vehicles with auxiliary characters as Porter and John discuss Doctor Who’s own take on 24 only 18 better at 42.

We then rocket back to 1964 and Doctor Who’s first season for another quest that moves at a… slightly slower pace. We join the First Doctor, Barbara, Ian, and Susan as they are good-naturedly extorted to embark on a quest through the jungle-y/icy/brains-in-jar-y planet of Marinus. Porter and John join them on their series of light-hearted jolly japes (with only the occasional attempted rape and/or spousal abuse) as they attempt to recover the scattered Keys of Marinus, which do… something important (according to a guy who was in Citizen Kane, so we believe him).

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:41 Modern Who: “42”
20:33 Classic Who: “The Keys of Marinus”
39:46 Themes: Fetch quests
49:13 Rankings
58:25 Closing

It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Scientist – “The Lazarus Experiment” & “Planet of Evil”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 13 Mar 2021 20:28:45 +0000

“Madness… madness…” says Major Clipton at the conclusion of The Bridge on the River Kwai – was he talking about the antics of Colonel Nicholson or this Podcast? We may never know, but what we do know is that this puppy is chock full of nutty professors, starting with NNTMP favorite, Mark Gatiss (still gay). Gatiss makes his first television appearance in Who as the star attraction at a surprisingly low-key event announcing the discovery of revolutionary de-aging technology that will allow humanity to live forever. Join Porter and John as they peer review the results of The Lazarus Experiment.

We then rocket back to the classic series and to the edge of the universe with the 4th Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith as they explore the mysterious, Planet of Evil. Porter and John will explore the science of anti-matter, the origins of the mad scientist trope, the wonders of Roger Murray-Leach’s jungle set design, and the irresistible dramatic pull of space mining in a free-wheeling discussion that – of course – covers many other television shows as well.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:07 Modern Who: “The Lazarus Experiment”
20:19 Classic Who: “Planet of Evil”
38:25 Themes: Mad scientists
52:25 Rankings
57:53 Closing

DalekFest 2021 – “Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks” & “The Evil of the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 06 Mar 2021 19:54:54 +0000

You know what aliens who have conquered space and time travel and at one point ruled vast swathes of the Universe probably would not say upon discovering humanity, which is struggling to hold back an anti-vaccine movement in the middle of a global pandemic? “Hey! We should be more like them!” But, we’ll roll with it as the Cult of Skaro finds itself in 1930s Manhattan and immediately gets into the world of New York real estate (which, let’s be honest, could use some good exterminators – ZING!) and Frankensteining some humans/pigmen. Will John swoon over the handsome Ryan Carnes and Andrew Garfield? Will Porter swoon over a mutant face octupus in a pinstriped suit? Find out as we join Daleks in Manhattan and witness the Evolution of the Daleks.

Of course, it’s not clear why these Daleks are still wandering around gettin’ all human when we find out that the Second Doctor engineered their “final end” way back in 1967! In addition to forgetting that they already had been wiped out, those Manhattan Daleks must have also forgotten that they had already been mucking about with the human factor too. But, as the old saying goes, NNTMP never forgets, and so Porter and John enter the murky world of off-air audio recordings supplemented with blurry black-and-white photos as they try to get to the root of The Evil of the Daleks. Oh, and they also decide whether humanity in general is good or evil. In the last 10 minutes.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:02 Modern Who: “Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks”
25:58 Classic Who: “The Evil of the Daleks”
45:28 Themes: Is humanity naturally good or evil?
57:42 Rankings
1:07:45 Closing

Macra May Kill You – “Gridlock” & “The Macra Terror”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 27 Feb 2021 20:00:27 +0000

Oh no! NNTMP has got Crabs! And, as if things couldn’t get any more dystopian, we’ve also got traffic! And… AND… cats driving. AND… AND… AND cats driving while wearing HATS! So, yeah, there are, apparently, dark days ahead for humanity, but fear not Probers, because John and Porter have slapped on their “Dogged Persistence” patches and stared unflinchingly into the Face of Boe as they grapple with some bumper-to-bumper Gridlock.

We then follow on to a 2nd Doctor, Ben, Polly, and Jamie classic via the fairly obvious link, which of course is… the dystopian future. NO! It’s not Macra. THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS MACRA (story title excepted – there are such things as terrors related to said non-existent Macra)! If this discussion between John and Porter seems a bit more animated to you, then in all probability it’s because they are taking on some missing episodes now returned to us through the exciting innovation of cartoons matched to the original soundtracks. So join them for a heapin’ helpin’ of Surf ‘n’ Mind Control Gas as they confront The Something-Something Terror!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:21 Modern Who: “Gridlock”
24:16 Classic Who: “The Macra Terror”
48:19 Themes: Dystopian futures
55:45 Rankings
1:00:42 Closing

Author, Author! – “Shakespeare Code” & “Timelash”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 20:15:54 +0000

Ol’ Billy Shakespeare (friend of the show, big Prober) steps onto the Doctor Who stage and uses his gift of words (with a dash of support from J.K. Rowling) to help Martha and the Doctor battle the wicked Carrionites. Will Porter fall in love with this slice of Elizabethicana (see, it’s not just Shakespeare who has a way with words)? Will John try to pretend that he is as deeply conversant with all of Shakespeare’s works as he is with Doctor Who canon? Find out when you crack The Shakespeare Code.

We then rocket back to the classic era – and WAY down the ol’ Who popularity totem pole – to what Doctor Who Magazine once tried (unsuccessfully) to suggest could become the Rocky Horror Picture Show of Doctor Who. Will Porter and John join in the frolicking and throw things at the screen or shout lines along with the characters… or should they save their breaths for the 6th Doctor… erm… classic Timelash – because most people watch it… with a scream.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:00 Modern Who: “The Shakespeare Code”
23:29 Classic Who: “Timelash”
42:43 Themes: Stories influencing history
53:32 Rankings
1:02:42 Closing

Duel Process – “Smith and Jones” & “Stones of Blood”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 19:55:30 +0000

As all Americans know, the Third Amendment protects them from the illegal displacement of hospitals to the Moon, but sadly for our new companion, Martha Jones, the King George-loving Brits have no such protection and their hospitals are regularly zapped off world. Yet another strike against the Socialist NHS while Americans are protected from such indignities thanks to the afore-mentioned amendment and the fact that none of them can afford to go inside hospitals. Porter and John welcome a new companion, a new monster in the form of the rhino-faced Judoon, and debate the merits of bloodsucking vs face-eating as they take in the Series 3 premiere, Smith and Jones.

The pursuit of justice then takes our intrepid podcasters back to the Fourth Doctor era and (of course) rural England. Joining the Doctor are Romana I and Porter-favorite K-9 now mid-season arc as they race across the universe in search of the six segments of the Key to Time. Once again, blood drinking is on the cards but this time instead of an unconvincing old lady with a straw we have the unconvincing polystyrene rocks known as the Ogri. But don’t worry, if you aren’t getting into the story in the first two episodes, it takes a real tonal hard left halfway through (actually, more of a tonal three-point turn) and becomes an episode of Boston Legal if James Spader were actually just a flashing light. Will Porter add Professor Amelia Rumford to his growing list of companions who should have been? Will John manage to casually work into the conversation that he’s a lawyer? Find out as they shoulder the crushing weight of The Stones of Blood!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:57 Modern Who: “Smith and Jones”
23:25 Classic Who: “The Stones of Blood”
41:17 Themes: Justice
53:18 Rankings
59:05 Closing

London Underground – “Runaway Bride” & “Doctor Who and the Silurians”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 20:20:54 +0000

Yes, we meet Donna Noble, and what a great companion she would have been, yes? But, here we are, fated to meet her but once. (*Snicker* Shhh. Shhhh. Don’t tell Porter! What a sap!) Anyway, she’s a bride and she’s run away (as in, been kidnapped by alien time particles), hence we meet The Runaway Bride! Will Porter thrill to one of the best realized Police Box car chases in television history? Will John discard his rose-colored nostalgia goggles and rank a new series episode as one of the best? Would we ask these questions if the answer was no?

Meanwhile, if you are keeping track, the center of the Earth is a nest of alien baby spiders, then there is a layer of superhot green slime that turns you into a werewolf, and then there are the Silurians (except they should be the Eocenes). Yes, we meet the Silurians for the first time for the second time and also the Doctor is in it and thus we have the aptly named Doctor Who and the Silurians. Will Porter’s crush on the great Liz Shaw be further inflamed? Will John really spend more time than is necessary flagging the odd inclusion of “Doctor Who” in the story title? And will they both take the listener on a magical journey through the technological witchcraft that is… EXCEL!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:30 Modern Who: “The Runaway Bride”
23:46 Classic Who: “Doctor Who and the Silurians”
39:51 Themes: The history of Earth according to Doctor Who, and monster acting
50:19 Rankings
58:15 Closing

Plot Twist and Shout – “Army of Ghosts”/“Doomsday” & “Earthshock”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 30 Jan 2021 19:47:09 +0000

Daleks, and Cybermen, and Torchwood – oh my! Also, Jackie, Mickey, Pete, Jake, the Time War, and a quick shout-out to Harriet Jones. Oh, and Rose leaves too. Russell T. Davies tosses the last two seasons of Who in a Vitamix and laughs maniacally as he blasts a plot smoothie right down the rapacious ear and eye maws of Porter and John as they take in the Season 2 two-episode finale of Army of Ghosts and Doomsday.

Then journey back – waaaay back – to a simpler time when dinosaurs roamed the Earth and and companions just blew up like decent folk instead of being all diva about it. But don’t worry, the Cybermen still prove utterly ineffectual. Will Porter and John follow the ins-and-outs of the Cybermen’s convoluted scheme to create an Earthshock? Will anyone even explain what an Earthshock is or will they just all Earthcalm down and Earthrelax?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:34 Modern Who: “Army of Ghosts/Doomsday”
31:25 Classic Who: “Earthshock”
57:54 Themes: Surprises, and companion exits
1:11:24 Rankings
1:18:00 Closing

Art Immolates Life – “Fear Her” & “Mind Robber”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 23 Jan 2021 19:55:11 +0000

Should you fear Fear Her and it’s frightening fable of fraught families? Well, sure, if you have nothing else to do, why not? Which pretty much sums up this episode of NNTMP as Porter and John do what is necessary to get to the next episode of the podcast.

Cheers! The West Wing! Fawlty Towers! These are just some of the many other shows referenced in this episode as Porter and John attempt to explore the Land of Fiction and find there are probably a lot of other more interesting fictions than we saw in the somewhat oddball Second Doctor tale of The Mind Robber. Will Porter get chicken pox and be replaced by someone who looks sorta like Porter but isn’t actually him? And will John even notice given that, as we have established, podcasts are an entirely audio medium?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:56 Modern Who: “Fear Her”
16:04 Classic Who: “The Mind Robber”
32:32 Themes: Filler episodes
44:07 Rankings
49:50 Closing

Monster in the Mirror – “Love & Monsters” & “Creature from the Pit”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 16 Jan 2021 20:00:10 +0000

Look, let’s get this out of the way: it’s a monster in a thong with faces on his butt. Even David Tennant – who is contractually obligated to appear – keeps his distance on this one. But this gives us all time to meet Elton and the gang at LINDA, basically Doctor Who fans who lack the awesome power of the megaphone that is podcasting. Will Porter and John use the podcast to talk about the episode or will they get bored with it and start cooking potluck dinners and forming a band? Find out as they muse on Love and Monsters.

They call it the Creature and it lives in the Pit. As the Fourth Doctor remarks, they do have a way with words. As do Porter and John, who must use words as they podcast because all the elaborate visuals they prepare really do not land in this medium. But that’s fine here because the image of a giant green penis wandering around a cave is all anyone needs to get the gist of the notorious Season 17 story, The Creature from the Pit.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:33 Modern Who: “Love & Monsters”
17:48 Classic Who: “The Creature from the Pit”
34:56 Themes: Monster design
44:38 Rankings
52:38 Closing

Devil With a Who Dress – “The Impossible Planet”/”The Satan Pit” & “The Dæmons”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 09 Jan 2021 20:10:26 +0000

At long last, Doctor Who escapes the Earth and Earth-adjacent settings… and goes straight to Hell! Probably? Yes, Heaven and Hell, God and the Devil – Doctor Who shows no fear in confronting the fundamental religious questions of our time – or no doubt it would have but it just didn’t get around to it because they are too busy dramatically rerouting power! Join Porter and John as they cling to The Impossible Planet desperate to avoid plummeting into The Satan Pit.

Then, there is more devilry afoot within driving distance of the BBC studios in the peaceful hamlet of Devil’s End as the Third Doctor and the plucky Jo Grant face a different manifestation of the Devil in the classic 1971 episode, The Daemons. Will Porter thrill to violent threats against statuary? Will John thrill to Porter thrilling? Will they both listen to Thriller? You’ll have to listen to the Podcast to find out if we shelled out for the rights to Thriller…

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:29 Modern Who: “The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit”
21:28 Classic Who: “The Dæmons”
43:20 Themes: Religion in Doctor Who
52:34 Rankings
59:16 Closing

Doctor Daddy-O – “Idiot’s Lantern” & “Delta & the Bannermen”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 02 Jan 2021 20:02:30 +0000

Calling all hepcats and fans of Netflix’s The Crown! We journey back to the 1950s and the Queen’s new job orientation to experience the heady thrills and heart-wrenching drama that swirls around the world of television installation and repair. Yes, five decades before HBO’s The Wire captured our hearts, it was an alien capturing peoples’ faces by sucking them through the TV screen. If you want to find out how your favorite Podcasters (to clarify, it’s us) reacted to the latest exploits of the Doctor and Rose, then let The Idiot’s Lantern light your way.

We then slick back our hair and doo-wop over to classic Who’s Seventh Doctor tour-de-force, Delta and the Bannermen (or just “Delta” to fans). Yes, Porter is finally introduced to the Citizen Kane of the classic series. A story that should – nay! – demands to be taken seriously as it holds up a mirror to our society and dares the viewer to grapple with existential nihilism as- OK, never mind, it’s a lot of aging Broadway and television stars riding around on motorcycles and wielding honey as a weapon. And it’s great! So ring in the New Year (a couple days later) and raise a toast with your favorite Podcast team (again, us) – here’s to the future!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
5:08 Modern Who: “The Idiot’s Lantern”
18:05 Classic Who: “Delta and the Bannermen”
46:20 Themes: Tone in Doctor Who
57:44 Rankings
1:05:40 Closing

Parallelo… Great? – “Rise of the Cybermen”/“Age of Steel” & “Inferno”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 26 Dec 2020 20:00:15 +0000

Calling all Zeppelin fans! If you love Zeppelin, then this episode is for you – and it’s certainly not an attempt by us to take this Podcast to a new audience of rock fans. No, we’ve gone to a parallel universe this week – but not the one where everyone has goatees but the other one where everyone drives a blimp. And, hey, when we get there we meet none other than Rose’s Dad, Pete (last seen dead) and Mickey’s grandmother (never seen nor mentioned until now but, in our universe, also dead) as they tune in on their earbuds to get the latest on The Rise of the Cybermen and learn about the perks of being part of The Age of Steel. Porter bids a fond and absolutely final farewell to the great Mickey Smith while John just keeps his mouth shut on that one.

We then return to the classic era in search of the elusive goatee universe but have to settle for the eyepatch universe. But not for long, because that universe is a hunk, a hunk o’ burnin’ planet (welcome Elvis fans!) thanks to the Inferno! Yes, join the NNTMP team as we burrow to the center of the Earth for… reasons… accompanied by NNTMP-favorite Za! Will Porter cower in fear before a terrifying wave of slow-moving oatmeal dyed red as a last sacrifice to help John restart his Chrysler LeBaron and escape the Podcast?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:26 Modern Who: “Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel”
25:32 Classic Who: “Inferno”
50:26 Themes: Parallel worlds, and Mickey
1:03:07 Rankings
1:10:52 Closing

Death by Robot – “The Girl in the Fireplace” & “The Robots of Death”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 19 Dec 2020 19:49:38 +0000

If there’s one thing for which the French are most famous it’s malfunctioning, time travelin’ robots, and boy does The Girl in the Fireplace tick that box. Listen as Porter toasts the first of his favorite character Mickey’s no doubt hundreds of journeys in the TARDIS as he finally comes on board as a full companion! And listen to John do nothing to disabuse poor, sad Porter of this foolish notion.

Meanwhile, we have no time to contemplate the melancholy conclusion of our New Who episode for there’s been a MURDER! Yes, climb aboard the Orient Sandminer Express for a classic Who-dunit (HA!) where the murderer is only partly given away by the title, The Robots of Death. Will Hercule Porter-rot (HA AGAIN!) piece together the intricate clues and find the killer? Will John come to appreciate the defensive value of light plastic vases? There’s only one way to find out… ask someone who has listened to the Podcast.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:27 Modern Who: “The Girl in the Fireplace”
23:36 Classic Who: “The Robots of Death”
46:12 Themes: Big ol’ robots
54:28 Rankings
1:00:42 Closing

Goodbye Sarah Jane – “School Reunion” & “Hand of Fear”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 20:00:35 +0000

This week, we tear up precedent into little pieces, stomp on it, deride it as a little girly-man, chastise ourselves for using gender stereotypes as taunts, and send legions of Probers into fits of confusion as we begin with the classic story that bid farewell to the incomparable, Sarah Jane Smith. Will the emotion of the saddest of companion swan songs crack Porter’s steely facade and leave him a blubbing wreck? Will John too succumb to extreme emotion or will he tell it to talk to The Hand of Fear?

We then – and stay with us here – discuss the 10th Doctor story! See, because, we talked about the classic story first this time, which means we did not discuss the “New Who” story yet, so we need to discuss that now. Is everyone following here? Well, it all makes sense, you see, because we join the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey for a thrilling School Reunion with none other than Sarah Jane Smith – who we have not seen since The Hand of Fear (if you ignore K-9 and Company, The Five Doctors, the Big Finish Audio series, and the 7th Doctor Missing Adventure Bullet Time). Will Porter’s love of Sarah and Mickey overcome his disdain for K-9? Will John suddenly realize that it makes no sense for Sarah to have been driving around for years with a broken robot in her car trunk (or as the British call it, “biscuit”)?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:31 Classic Who: “The Hand of Fear”
33:29 Modern Who: “School Reunion”
52:20 Themes: Sarah Jane, and continuity
1:04:13 Rankings
1:10:47 Closing

The Horror – “Tooth and Claw” & “Tomb of the Cybermen”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 05 Dec 2020 20:00:22 +0000

So… Thrill to the escapades of a deeply flirtatious Doctor and Rose! Shudder at the depiction of a not-too-monstrous Queen Victoria! Gasp at Porter’s startling ranking! Gently expel flatulence at John’s inability to fully explain the fate of the monks! These are the terrors that await as you experience Tooth and Claw!

Then, sufficiently horrified, wander into a spooooky Hong Kong television archive and discover a rack of dusty film canisters containing the lost-but-now-found 2nd Doctor classic, The Tomb of the Cybermen! Will Porter fall in love with the mighty Patrick Troughton and his Cosmic Hobo? Will John sigh with relief at shoehorning the Cybermen into the watch order just three episodes before their New Series debut?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:15 Modern Who: “Tooth and Claw”
25:01 Classic Who: “The Tomb of the Cybermen”
48:13 Themes: The Second Doctor, and remakes of classic horror
1:00:18 Rankings
1:07:03 Closing

Masquerade – “New Earth” & “Meglos”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 28 Nov 2020 19:42:42 +0000

Wracked by the guilt of destroying Earth in Series 1, Russell T. Davies, like a parent replacing a deceased hamster, gives us a New Earth – nearly indistinguishable from the old except for the cat medical staff. Will Porter revel in the smug self-satisfaction that comes with at last recognizing a returning villain to Doctor Who? Will John revel in the fact that he knows the secret of the Face of Boe and Porter does not, thus firmly establishing John as the superior person at every level?

Our revels now are not nearly ended, however, as we grasp the tenuous thread of body swapping to journey back to the sands of Zolfa-Thura, home to Meglos, played in a commanding performance by a potted cactus. Will Porter recognize Season 1 favorite Jacqueline Hill returning to the series in the guise of Lexa? No. Will John now escalate his reveling at yet further confirmation that his Who knowledge is so vast? Yes. Yes, it’s somewhat the premise of the whole Podcast.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:45 Modern Who: “New Earth”
22:42 Classic Who: “Meglos”
40:08 Themes: Science versus fantasy
53:15 Rankings
57:15 Closing

Fresh Start – “Christmas Invasion” & “Spearhead from Space”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 21 Nov 2020 20:01:42 +0000

Blithely ignoring the fact that we’ve actually completed a full season in this Podcast, we barrel into The Christmas Invasion excited to meet the 10th Doctor for the first time – 35 minutes later. Will Porter fall in love with the new Who? Will John fall in love with the UNIT call-back to the classic series? Will we lament a society where we throw the word “love” around so casually?

But take not the time for such reflection as we have to nip backwards to another debut episode, Spearhead from Space, the introduction of one Jon Pertwee as Doctor #3. But that’s not all – for the same low, low price you also get the introduction of Cambridge scientist, Liz Shaw, and the re-re-introduction of the legendary Brigadier. Will Porter notice the subtle, blink-and-you-miss-it similarities to Rose? Will John revel in the first glimpse of the legendary Season 7? Well, yes, probably, as it would be weird if the answer to these questions was, “No.”

Chapters

0:00 Intro
4:38 Modern Who: “The Christmas Invasion”
25:14 Classic Who: “Spearhead from Space”
44:38 Themes: First stories after a regeneration, and the Doctor and the establishment
59:06 Rankings
1:05:59 Closing

Generating Again – “Bad Wolf/Parting of the Ways” & “Caves of Androzani”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 14 Nov 2020 20:04:26 +0000

Confirming our belief that reality television will be the death of us all and/or lead to a mass invasion of Earth by the Daleks, we at last uncover the mystery of just who is the Bad Wolf before having to endure the emotion of The Parting of the Ways. Will Porter discover a new appreciation for the power of the Daleks or will he be too distracted by the horror of an android gameshow host?

We then take-in the creme de la creme (literally, “yoghurt“) of classic series regeneration stories with the 5th Doctor’s swan-song The Caves of Androzani. Does John have the mouth of a prattling jackanapes or do his eyes tell a different story? Could you even answer that given that Podcasting is an audio medium? What even is a jackanapes? None of these questions will be addressed in this Podcast.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
1:47 Modern Who: “Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways”
23:37 Classic Who: “The Caves of Androzani”
39:46 Themes: Regeneration
52:40 Rankings
1:02:56 Closing

What the Eff? – “Boom Town” & “The Edge of Destruction”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 07 Nov 2020 20:05:25 +0000

We begin with a swing through modern-day Cardiff for the TARDIS crew. But what evil presence lurks in wait for our heroes… MICKEY! Also, a Slitheen. Will Porter’s love for Mickey continue to grow even as Rose’s wanes? Will John be able to shake his suspicion that the title might be a subtle fart joke? All will be answered in our visit to Boom Town.

We then activate the Fast Return switch and materialize once more in Season 1 where we find the Doctor, Barbara, Ian, and Susan acting angry, confused, zombie-like, and psychotic respectively. Does Doctor Who’s first ever “bottle” episode deliver for Porter and John or will they find themselves as confused as the cast apparently did as they teetered on The Edge of Destruction?

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:13 Modern Who: “Boom Town”
23:03 Classic Who: “The Edge of Destruction”
42:27 Themes: Bottle episodes, and the Doctor’s character development
56:44 Rankings
1:03:06 Closing

Tech Gone Wild – “The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances” & “The Face of Evil”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 31 Oct 2020 19:05:33 +0000

Pull on your Union Jack jumpers and dangle from the nearest barrage balloon as Porter and John flit back to World War II London. Will Porter’s terror at the gas-masked child remind him that, in fact, he has seen Doctor Who and the whole premise of this Podcast is a lie? Will John gush over the steely-blue gaze of the dreamy Captain Jack confident that his husband never listens to these Podcasts? Find out as we flee The Empty Child and wonder if indeed The Doctor Dances.

It’s then on to dazzling Blu-Ray (the way 70s TV was meant to be seen) as we head back to the 4th Doctor’s era for a little hard sci-fi (that sounds dirty, but it’s not). Will Porter be captivated by the enchanting (and clothing-lite) Leela? Will John be able to explain the plot even after having seen this one, like, a dozen times? To find out, you must stare down the grim visage of The Face of Evil.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:02 Modern Who: “The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances”
24:34 Classic Who: “The Face of Evil”
40:18 Themes: Technology, and happy endings
57:33 Rankings
1:03:02 Closing

Fixing the Past – “Father’s Day” & “The Aztecs”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 24 Oct 2020 19:05:09 +0000

Weddings! Could they be a more awkward social affair? The answer is, it turns out, yes – especially when one of the guests’ daughter travels back in time and causes a time paradox that leads to other guests being eaten by time monsters. Get your hankies at the ready as Porter and John get in touch with their emotions for Father’s Day.

Funerals! Isn’t it typical that you get entombed with all your possessions and then some history teacher from the 1960s wanders in and starts looting your corpse? But Porter and John forgive Barbara as she wreaks (moderate) havoc in The Aztecs and in doing so we learn an ironclad rule of time travel that the past can never be changed… unless it can be changed when that would make a better story.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
1:57 Modern Who: “Father’s Day”
21:44 Classic Who: “The Aztecs”
40:40 Themes: Time travel stories, and Barbara
55:02 Rankings
1:00:57 Closing

Mindless Entertainment – “The Long Game” & “Vengeance on Varos”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 14:00:41 +0000

Can you imagine what a world would look like if it the media was totally controlled by a near omnipotent Editor? Well neither can the producers of The Long Game, which trusts that Porter and John will take their word for it in this vicious takedown of people who surgically put holes in their heads. [Trigger warning: Do not watch if you have a hole in your head.]

Of course, Doctor Who had long ago put the media on notice in the 6th Doctor adventure Vengeance on Varos, which made a strong statement against the horrifying effects of subjecting people in corridors to different lighting gels but is surprisingly ambivalent on throwing people into acid.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
3:07 Modern Who: “The Long Game”
23:53 Classic Who: “Vengeance on Varos”
44:47 Themes: Media satire, violence, and menacing old men in diapers
55:58 Rankings
1:00:51 Closing

Daleks – “Dalek” & “Death To the Daleks”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 10 Oct 2020 18:17:56 +0000

They’re back… and this time, they’re going up stairs (although to be fair, they could do that in the original series too). Will Porter stand for this wildly inaccurate depiction of underground Utah? Will John cower in terror from the power of the sink plunger? It’s time we face the… Dalek. Is this, indeed, the final end? No. No it’s not.

But this is not the first time they were back… they’ve been back before now! The Daleks have arrived and they’re angry… but they’re also unarmed… for upwards of 10 minutes before that promising plot-line is quickly abandoned! Will John and Porter join the Third Doctor and bear witness to Death to the Daleks? Also, no. No they will not.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
1:48 Modern Who: “Dalek”
27:22 Classic Who: “Death to the Daleks”
56:59 Themes: Daleks, and the Doctor’s arc
1:14:55 Rankings
1:20:31 Closing

Human Self-Destruction – “Aliens of London/World War III” & “Warriors of the Deep”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 21:06:48 +0000

The Slitheen first um… blast onto our screens with their, shall we say, effervescent personalities in the first two-parter of the New Series, Aliens of London and World War III. Will Porter’s penchant for fart jokes leave him helpless in the face of an onslaught of gastro-intestinal humor? Will John’s fixation on flatulence sour his take on the intrigue and excitement of an alien invasion?

We then turn to the taut, John Le Carre-esque, futuristic post-Cold War thrllier… oops, sorry, typo there, just let me go back and fix- FACE IT JOHN, IT’S MISSPELLED! THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN DO BUT GET ON WITH WATCHING WARRIORS OF THE DEEP!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:09 Modern Who: “Aliens of London/World War III”
34:39 Classic Who: “Warriors of the Deep”
1:05:06 Themes: Cliffhangers, and aliens already on Earth
1:25:49 Rankings
1:29:07 Closing

Dead Walking – “The Unquiet Dead” & “The Curse of Fenric”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 26 Sep 2020 21:05:35 +0000

We begin by shining a light on one of history’s more obscure authors, Charles Dickens, as the Doctor and Rose make their first trip into the past. Will God bless us, every one, or will we be taken over by gas like old people after a Tex-Mex dinner? We look to The Unquiet Dead for answers.

We then ominously intone the translation of the Viking runes that foretold our next episode…

Night is the time of the Who podcast,

When this story confused Porter from the very first,

But John understood on the 14th viewing of the special edition VHS with extended footage,

Along with reading the novelization and several lengthy articles in Doctor Who Magazine,

And acquiring an advanced degree in Norse mythology,

Only thus does one grasp the plot of…

The Curse of Fenric.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
1:15 Modern Who: “The Unquiet Dead”
24:42 Classic Who: “The Curse of Fenric”
56:32 Themes: The Ninth and Seventh Doctors, and traveling to the past
1:18:45 Rankings
1:23:13 Closing

Goodbye, Earth – “The End of the World” & “The Ark in Space”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 19 Sep 2020 21:04:19 +0000

It’s an Alienpalooza as the special effects team designs… TREES! Also, a bitchy trampoline and tiny blue people. A rich pageant of lifeforms to compliment the destruction of Earth in the appropriately titled The End of the World.

But, if you – like many – have friends and family on Earth, then fear not – some of them may have escaped into The Ark in Space where they may or may not have been eaten by giant bugs. Fortunately, the 4th Doctor, Sarah, and Harry have arrived to do some much needed electrical repair and battle the dreaded… bubble wrap!

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:32 Modern Who: “The End of the World”
24:56 Classic Who: “The Ark in Space”
46:15 Themes: Companions, time travel and special effects
1:08:16 Rankings
1:12:21 Closing

Beginnings – “Rose” & “An Unearthly Child”

No Not the Mind Probe — Sat, 12 Sep 2020 20:42:13 +0000

We begin with 2005’s Rose, the episode that started it all… again. Was Porter entranced? Was John enraged? Was the AV Club linked to bring more people to the page?

We then go back in time to the story that actually started it all… um… An Unearthly Child... or possibly The Tribe of Gum. Or maybe 100,000 BC. It’s possible that no one knows for sure. It’s definite that Porter has no idea.

Chapters

0:00 Intro
2:03 Modern Who: “Rose”
22:54 Classic Who: “An Unearthly Child”
43:45 Themes: The Doctor, the TARDIS and the story format
1:14:51 Rankings
1:19:10 Closing