Audio

Calling all hepcats and fans of Netflix’s The Crown!  We journey back to the 1950s and the Queen’s new job orientation to experience the heady thrills and heart-wrenching drama that swirls around the world of television installation and repair.  Yes, five decades before HBO’s The Wire captured our hearts, it was an alien capturing peoples’ faces by sucking them through the TV screen.  If you want to find out how your favorite Podcasters (to clarify, it’s us) reacted to the latest exploits of the Doctor and Rose, then let The Idiot’s Lantern light your way.

We then slick back our hair and doo-wop over to classic Who’s Seventh Doctor tour-de-force, Delta and the Bannermen (or just “Delta” to fans).  Yes, Porter is finally introduced to the Citizen Kane of the classic series.  A story that should – nay! – demands to be taken seriously as it holds up a mirror to our society and dares the viewer to grapple with existential nihilism as- OK, never mind, it’s a lot of aging Broadway and television stars riding around on motorcycles and wielding honey as a weapon.  And it’s great!  So ring in the New Year (a couple days later) and raise a toast with your favorite Podcast team (again, us) – here’s to the future!

Calling all Zeppelin fans!  If you love Zeppelin, then this episode is for you – and it’s certainly not an attempt by us to take this Podcast to a new audience of rock fans.  No, we’ve gone to a parallel universe this week – but not the one where everyone has goatees but the other one where everyone drives a blimp.  And, hey, when we get there we meet none other than Rose’s Dad, Pete (last seen dead) and Mickey’s grandmother (never seen nor mentioned until now but, in our universe, also dead) as they tune in on their earbuds to get the latest on The Rise of the Cybermen and learn about the perks of being part of The Age of Steel.  Porter bids a fond and absolutely final farewell to the great Mickey Smith while John just keeps his mouth shut on that one.

We then return to the classic era in search of the elusive goatee universe but have to settle for the eyepatch universe.  But not for long, because that universe is a hunk, a hunk o’ burnin’ planet (welcome Elvis fans!) thanks to the Inferno!  Yes, join the NNTMP team as we burrow to the center of the Earth for… reasons… accompanied by NNTMP-favorite Za!  Will Porter cower in fear before a terrifying wave of slow-moving oatmeal dyed red as a last sacrifice to help John restart his Chrysler LeBaron and escape the Podcast?

If there’s one thing for which the French are most famous it’s malfunctioning, time travelin’ robots, and boy does The Girl in the Fireplace tick that box.  Listen as Porter toasts the first of his favorite character Mickey’s no doubt hundreds of journeys in the TARDIS as he finally comes on board as a full companion!  And listen to John do nothing to disabuse poor, sad Porter of this foolish notion.

Meanwhile, we have no time to contemplate the melancholy conclusion of our New Who episode for there’s been a MURDER!  Yes, climb aboard the Orient Sandminer Express for a classic Who-dunit (HA!) where the murderer is only partly given away by the title, The Robots of Death.  Will Hercule Porter-rot (HA AGAIN!) piece together the intricate clues and find the killer?  Will John come to appreciate the defensive value of light plastic vases?  There’s only one way to find out… ask someone who has listened to the Podcast.

This week, we tear up precedent into little pieces, stomp on it, deride it as a little girly-man, chastise ourselves for using gender stereotypes as taunts, and send legions of Probers into fits of confusion as we begin with the classic story that bid farewell to the incomparable, Sarah Jane Smith.  Will the emotion of the saddest of companion swan songs crack Porter’s steely facade and leave him a blubbing wreck?  Will John too succumb to extreme emotion or will he tell it to talk to The Hand of Fear?

We then – and stay with us here – discuss the 10th Doctor story!  See, because, we talked about the classic story first this time, which means we did not discuss the “New Who” story yet, so we need to discuss that now.  Is everyone following here?  Well, it all makes sense, you see, because we join the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey for a thrilling School Reunion with none other than Sarah Jane Smith – who we have not seen since The Hand of Fear (if you ignore K-9 and Company, The Five Doctors, the Big Finish Audio series, and the 7th Doctor Missing Adventure Bullet Time).  Will Porter’s love of Sarah and Mickey overcome his disdain for K-9?  Will John suddenly realize that it makes no sense for Sarah to have been driving around for years with a broken robot in her car trunk (or as the British call it, “biscuit”)?

So… Thrill to the escapades of a deeply flirtatious Doctor and Rose!  Shudder at the depiction of a not-too-monstrous Queen Victoria!  Gasp at Porter’s startling ranking!   Gently expel flatulence at John’s inability to fully  explain the fate of the monks!  These are the terrors that await as you experience Tooth and Claw!

Then, sufficiently horrified, wander into a spooooky Hong Kong television archive and discover a rack of dusty film canisters containing the lost-but-now-found 2nd Doctor classic, The Tomb of the Cybermen!  Will Porter fall in love with the mighty Patrick Troughton and his Cosmic Hobo?  Will John sigh with relief at shoehorning the Cybermen into the watch order just three episodes before their New Series debut?